I look at all these people on social media doing amazing yoga poses in front of the sea and I think: I’d like to be like them and live their perfect life.
I then go back to my turquoise yoga mat which reminds me of the colour of that Instagram sea and I sit tall. I close my eyes and in a second I start seeing all my thoughts: all these heavy and crazy thoughts that populate my mind.
Suddenly I see my humanity. I see how easily I forget what really drives me and inspires me in the background. Suddenly I see how easily I compare myself to others, how I judge others, how jealous I am, how easily I put myself down, how small I become. I am sitting there in the dark and I see behind those thoughts and all the stories that I built up about my life, about others and I there is a clear and fulfilling reality: the inspiring thought of having a world that works for everyone. Suddenly I see all this love stuck behind these mediocre complaints and I promise myself there’s no way I am going to engage with these kinds of thoughts anymore. This empty space lasts probably a few hours, if I am lucky a few days until my humanity kicks in, once again.
I look at other Yogis on Facebook and I think: I wish I could be so aligned in my yoga poses and maybe have so many followers. I try to hide these feelings because they make me feel vulnerable.
And then I think that I love this humanity. I really see the nature of it and how stuck with it we are. I see that the more I try to get rid of my mediocrity the more I am mediocre. It’s like being in a prison and pretending you’re not. Knowing that the exit is there – literally in front of you – but it’s better to walk around your prison and not even imagine what it means being free. Free to be. Simply be.
I go back to my practice and my mind says ‘You’re tired, you can practice tomorrow.’ I keep going despite another voice telling me ‘Really, you should rest, take some time for yourself’. In that moment I decide that who I am is more than my thoughts and complaints and comments and arrogance. At the end of the practice I give myself 10 full minutes of savasana and I really get connected to the fact that there is a world beyond me. Beyond my busy mind. There is a world which I create every second and that can be used to be a huge contribution for everyone and not just for my egocentric self. And this has a massive inspiring impact on me.
I suddenly see what could open up from being ok with my humanity and focusing on my big picture. All I have to offer is myself and the freedom to be vulnerable. The courage of sharing who I am despite my smallest thoughts. The courage of sharing the desire of having a world where open and straight conversations are everywhere. Where everyone is free to be whoever they want to be.